My first time.

Sorry for misleading you if you thought this was a story about losing my virginity. That will come later.

This.... this line of words is my first entry on what seems to be a promising way to convey every thought in my private life.... just me and whoever I want to read.

Here's hoping.

Josh

Stream of Consciousness I

omg man
dude i cant help it.
flying about the pabloeth plane is like pure eX stacey!
but the lenghtening man in vietnam, my man Rick boy..... Rick Boy was my buddy, he was a sniper back der in nam.... but he got outsniped... so he got dead in the eye.. no complications no nothing.. he just dies... all over the place might i add. so he was decking it in the hardly notable Greek fixture posture. out of the nowhereness a giant green mushroom sprouted, sing songs of great glorious glory corus ask whooooooo aarreeeee youuuu. they said EAT MEEE but we couldnt.... because it was in nam where my buddy Rick BOy was.... so we had to kill it with our guns an stuff.....


so after that we made croissants with nothing other than an edible item that resembles the guest of a flavor network also know as the YMCA
.
.
. so next chapter will go here.. and i want slice of tomato paste here... and alice shall be spinning about on a broomstick surely right over hereee...... so with the kimbo drum done peaced fo the night, its all good. and the income taxes will be here too.
so get the gunk off your keyboard and we will smorte thee.

flipflopadopolousssss.... da hipta hop tepottomoooseee..


amish say hiii

cool people assimilate towards the edibility factor of the alligators headstock....
the is a clicking mouse bhind my face in the darkness of the worlds words out of right leftness field.... i dont think this can be all that is writtin... so kindly readen and do commence with the added writting and poooostinggg... keeep it goinggg.... a hurr hurr... !>?

END

Stream of Consciousness II

Up down kolindle me asunder kampf. the senslesness is completion of clicking your remote have nots. islands of praise in the sky among faulty foundations of cleanliness... keen keen keen senses of foresight did not forsee this coming. YOU BETTER BE SORRY! you are worthless you peace of maggot scum.stand up STRAIGHT i said! now bow down. give me 50! your time is up. vibratioins from the underworld tell me im drowning. distractions from above say you can not float to KFC for dinner. you must crawl on your knees. no hands. just her hand. all yours. but nevermind that now. you will have what is yours according to God. ....

*bleep*

*bleep*

BOOM

tedious and unwavering hardship just to get this box of goodies, all wrapped in one sandy haired package. she knows, dont wait any longer..
five minutes remain in your test protocall asignment meeting. you cant wait to get the hell out of the woods. alive, and alone for all to see, soon to be met by your dreams. five more minutes.. plus at least a month. your gift will only be accepted at the right time... too soon and its pushed away like two opposing magnets. too late and your chance is missed in the worst way. someone might come steal your treausure.... your precious precious treasure.... all yours.. and she knows it. she knows... in the back of her mind. she knows EXACTLY whats coming.. but she refuses to accept it....
can you decipher which she is she? and which is not yours, i can.
quick close the portal! no! DISTRACTION! he comes and steals the train.... gray and silver flash and it is done, gone...yup.

Stream of Consciousness III

* inhale*
* exhale*

A breath is taken to clear myself of any unwanted unneccesary ramblings... finally alone in the house, long enough to bust another stream out of my head...

why am i scared? it's because im afraid of who i really am and i know it. nobody would like me.... hell im surprised peeople put up with me now... all i do is talk and fuck things up..

also thats just what people do anymore, is just.. put up with me. they dont really like me anymore, i just know it just get out of my head! i wish someone would invade my mind without my consent so they could see what i was really like..... . dont tell me you're doing it... just go on in and scout around.. find out the real me... we can be surprised together.

and you will be... and i'll be... we will be.

just calm down josh... NO.. you fucking stop telling me to calm down or i will rip your face off with my fist shoved so far up your ass that the lump in your throat will be my damn knuckle!

just get over it. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET OVER THIS SHIT!?

what's done is done and you can't change it. NO SHIT sherlock.... mother fucking every fucking answer i get.... just let it go!

fuck that! i am NOT wired that way..
ok so go fix it. im too scared though... do it anyways WHAT PART OF SCARED do you not understand!!!

*Bashes keyboard* dmx,ÍX.djnsbortuwhgdfu xbd ¬∆˙√∫ø®¥•∫

ÔÓÍÇı€∏°ı‰∏∑bipvfsc jˆ∂˜πª∑¨´

honestly i dont know who i am.. but it scares me. i dont even think of myself as a who anymore.. im a fucking monster. WHAT am i? im an IT.... not deserving of this life or the responsibilities of holding anyone elses life in my hands.... they will get crushed... my god it's like a damn reflex anymore..

Oh i have someone's heart in my hands.. let me crush their hopes and dreams by doing everything i said i wouldnt do. well fuck you josh..... yeah i know. im sorry.l no sorry doesnt cut it... it can never cut it. just keep going with whatever excuses you feel like writing..

not only will nobody read this, they wont get this far anyways if they did.. so fuck them. see? they dont care. i dont even know why you write. god doesnt love you and he just wants you to die a lonely death and set up an example of what not to grow up like. you will be a hopeless failure of a human being... ha! a human, did you really just call yourself that? you aren't even worthy of being called a fucking dog carcass on the shit stained underwear of the bottom the oceans scumbags... you fucking disgust me... i cant even believe i created you.... no.. what i created was loved by god..... keyword: loved. until you had to go FUCK IT UP! every decision of temptation fallen into gave way to just one more scar, one more burn, one more broken bone, one more day closer to your lonely existance...

or am i already there? so young.. only 19.... and this is where i am. on a limb with nobody to catch me.. just all of my "friends" looking over the side of the cliff, hanging on to the hope that ill just let go of the branch im hanging from and just end it. just fucking go...

get out of here..

go home... wherever that cold black abyss ever would lead me i can't stand to know.... but i sense the end. just a sleepy painless goodbye.... one would say it sounds like suicide but one must not know me that well... i could never kill myself.... at least not physically. ill just be a shell of who i once was. ill let it

take
over...

and ill be gone for all to see...